2013 Year in Review Part I: Mini-Reviews

I can't believe you made this movie, either, guys.

I saw 74 of the movies that came out in 2013.  About a fourth of them were great.  Some were decent, some were good but forgettable, several were disappointing and some were downright bad.  Below are my quick assessments of them complete with mini-review.   If you would like see my personal picks for the worst movie, the biggest disappointment and the Top 10 of 2013, that is the subject of part two.

Those of you that may have read this when I originally posted it on Facebook will notice that two more movies have been added to the lists:  Frozen and Man of Tai Chi.


2013’s BIGGEST ENTERTAINMENT SUPRISES:

Anchorman 2: the Legend Continues (First movie was meh, this movie was over-the-top hilarious)

Dead Man Down (Expected a throwaway suspense movie, received a great action drama)

Epic (Much better animated movie than I thought it would be)

Rush (Thor driving a racecar apparently = not boring and actually fun)

Saving Mr. Banks (Very good performances with a great story)

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (For anyone who has never taken a risk in life…)

You’re Next (A perfect blend of old school 80’s slasher and modern horror)


BETTER THAN THEY HAD ANY RIGHT TO BE:

Fast and Furious 6 (MY GOD THESES PEOPLE ARE SUPERHEROES NOW!  Insanely fun!)

Hansel and Gretel:  Witch Hunters (Loved the grown up, potty-mouthed and grizzled Hansel and Grettle kicking Witch ass)

Last Vegas (Was a lot funnier than the trailers showed)

Olympus Has Fallen (Gerard Butler is the second coming of the 80’s Action Heroes!  Die Hard for the new generation)

This is the End (I literally almost fell out of my chair laughing at this)

We’re the Millers (Tied with Blazing Saddles for my favorite comedy of all time)


I WAS VERY ENTERTAINED:

42 (Great story that made you feel Jackie Robinson’s emotions at being the subject of focused racism)

About Time (Billed as a romantic comedy, but this movie is much better than that)

American Hustle (Different and very well acted)

Don Jon (Vulgar, but had a great message about the two sexes’ skewed views of relationships caused by movies)

Ender’s Game (Fun sci-fi action movie; I never read the book)

Escape Plan (Nice to see Stallone and Schwarzenegger together in a real movie with a decent story)

Frozen (Disney continues to put out quality animated musicals)

Jack the Giant Slayer (I always love an underdog/commoner is noble through actions story)

Man of Steel (Greatest.  Superman.  Movie.  Ever.)

Now You See Me (Decent story that actually threw me for a loop)

Pacific Rim (For my family!  **Slice**)

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (First one was a rip-off of Battle Royale.  This one doesn’t have that baggage and distances itself with a good story)

The To Do List (Funnier than I expected)

The Wolverine (Wolverine vs. Ninjas and Samurai… ‘nuff said)

Thor:  The Dark World (Best Marvel movie of 2013)

Warm Bodies (A little slow in parts, but finally a unique take on the Zombie genre)


I WAS MOSTLY ENTERTAINED:

2 Guns (Decent buddy cop type movie)

47 Ronin (Great FX/Action and a passable story that didn’t wimp out at the end)

Captain Phillips (A little slow, but Tom hanks put in a good performance)

Carrie (Rectifies some of the problems that I have with the original)

Elysium (Not as good as District 9, but decent)

Getaway (Pretty good car chase movie)

GI Joe Retaliation (Better than the first, but severe lack of Scarlet [the red-haired female Joe])

Grudge Match (Better than expected, but was still lacking in a few places)

Home Run (Great movie… for a Christian faith produced movie)

Homefront (I love revenge flicks)

Kick Ass 2 (Passable follow-up, but not as good as the first)

Ninja 2:  Shadow of a Tear (Action was amazing… story was generic, lacking and felt “forced”)

Oblivion (Nice twist… that I totally figured out from the first trailer)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians:  Sea of Monsters (I love mythology and this was good, just not as good as the first.  We probably won’t see book 3-5 as movies, unfortunately)

Star Trek: Into Darkness (Secret reveal wasn't so secret and it suffered from too much fans-service)

The Family (Enjoyable and kinda different)

The Fifth Estate (Story was compelling)

The Heat (Fairly funny)


I WAS ENTERTAINED… BUT ULTIMATELY FORGETTABLE:

21 & Over (Entertaining, but not that funny)

A Good Day to Die Hard (Generic modern era action film… claiming to be Die Hard)

After Earth (Will Smith needs to quit forcing his son on us and let Jaden come into his own as an actor)

Beautiful Creatures (Different, but meh)

Gangster Squad (“I want to be The Untouchables!”  Oh, and Ryan Gosling sucks at dialogue)

Man of Tai Chi (Keanu Reeves doing Kung Fu... but only in the last scenes of this foreign made movie.)

Mandella (Good movie, just not very fun)

Oz, the Great and Powerful (Oz, the bland and forgettable)

Planes (“I’m Disney/Pixar’s Cars… but with wings”)

R.I.P.D. (Great premise… dumb script)

Rapturepalooza (Anna Kendrick saved this movie)

Riddick (If you’ve seen Pitch Black… this is pretty much the same movie)

Red 2 (Helen Mirren steals the show again!)

Runner, Runner (Decent, but ultimately no one cares)

Snitch (Good story… bad action)

The Last Stand (Love the premise and its “John Wayne” in True Grit feel, but could’ve been better)

The Mortal Instruments:  City of Bones (What Twilight wishes it could’ve been… stupid love triangles in fantasy stories are still stupid, though)

White House Down (Olympus Has Fallen > White House Down.  Much)

World War Z (Nice twist on the way to fight them, but still meh)


NOT ENTERTAINED.  VERY DISAPPOINTED:

Bullet to the Head (I was hoping for this to be like Showdown in Little Tokyo... but it was just not fun)

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 (Didn't hold my interest, but I loved the first)

Iron Man 3 (Such a letdown)

Machete Kills (First one was fun, this one was stupid)

The Great Gatsby (Love the director, hated the story, didn’t read the book)

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (Wasn't very funny)

The Lone Ranger (This movie didn't know what kind of movie it wanted to be)

The World’s End (The story collapsed from the weight of being the final film in the “Cornetto” trilogy.  The fight scenes were amazing, though!)


HORRIBLE.  MOST DEFINITELY NOT ENTERTAINED:

Hangover III (Not funny.  Not even one laugh.  This movie was not even written or shot as a comedy movie.  It was actually a drama… at least that’s my hope)

Movie 43 (Total waste of money… mine and the producers’)

The Wolf of Wall Street (Terrible.  I’m all for showing sex and drug use in movies… but if you take all of that out of this 3 hour movie… you have 30 minutes left of something resembling a story)


WTF DID I JUST WATCH?

Pain and Gain (Yeah… I can’t believe this movie was made.  On a side note... Michael Bay finally made a movie that I did not enjoy watching... like, at all)


2013 MOVIES I STILL WANT TO SEE:

MAMA, 12 Years a Slave, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, Big Ass Spider, Gravity, Hours, Jobs, John Dies at the End, Out of the Furnace, Paranoia, Phantom, Safe Haven, The Conjuring, The English Teacher, The Purge, The Way Way Back, Through the Never, Turbo, Upside Down



Until next time... are you not entertained?!

-OmegaManwicH

Follow me on Twitter: @OmegaManwicH